Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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