Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
