apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
