he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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