You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
