Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
