Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Alive.
So much puke
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
