Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
