Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
