i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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