I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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