I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
