We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
