I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
