There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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