Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
