Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
