this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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