I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
