I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Who died my cat blue again?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
