do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize