i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
