I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
