I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
should my penis look like a turkey
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
