you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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