Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
