My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
