I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
