My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
