I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
