I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
