I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
