Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
