My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Walk of Shame today included voting.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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