Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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