my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize