4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
