Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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