somebody snuck up and got me drunk
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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