WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
