1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
