HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
