Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
