Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
