Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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