Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
