I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
