So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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