okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
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Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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