I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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