Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
