I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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