She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
