All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
