Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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