the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
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We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
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I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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