Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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