You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
