My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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