i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
