In America we eat man semen.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
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Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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