The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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