There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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