EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
