Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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