i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
