Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
