Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
