he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
